Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
