Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
