I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
