24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
