On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
