I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize