I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
