if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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