I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
