i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
