So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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