I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
