i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
