Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
third nipple confirmed
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
