i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize