Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
