just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
