4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
