The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
