Define "chronic" masturbator.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
What a dumb baby whore.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
