I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
