I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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