Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
