Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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