There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
