Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
