you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
