I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need water and some morals
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
