I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
