dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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