So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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