theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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