i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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