You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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