I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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