i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
