What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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