He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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