the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
