My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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