guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
