I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
