do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
