I'm drive I can fine osifer
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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