Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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