Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
being pregnant is like rehab
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's blow job season.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
