yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i believe in u and ur pee
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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