This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
