you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
