I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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