There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
