I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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