We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
