Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
