i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i will never coherently bang her
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Vodka?
Forever.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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