maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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