mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
