I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
