It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
