Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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