the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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