it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Come see our sink grown plant.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
