We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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