Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
