So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
