I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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