Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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