Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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