I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he's single and there are thong briefs.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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