btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
