i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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