I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Mom said you looked used
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
