Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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