I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
