I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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